I’ve seen it coming.
I always knew that I could not trust this person. But you, I’ve always trusted you. So please, I need you to not bring me down now.
Be known, make a name for myself and inspire.
Note: This is just my entry for thoughtcatalog
Have you ever smothered life with a frequent question of, “Why wouldn’t it work out with anyone?”
Well, I know I have.
Growing old, I didn’t know that being single would feel like a curse. And to make the feeling worse is the detail that my hair isn’t Rapunzel-long that’s why my prince couldn’t come break the curse and rescue me. But that’s unless he has the same specs as Buzz Lightyear and could also fly. Though probably then, I would also be aware of another thing that he and Buzz share — being a toy.
Now, why wouldn’t it work out with anyone? This question just got me air-listing both possible and impossible reasons why, until now, the only Facebook relationship status applicable for me is Single. Welcome insecurities!
Trust me, I could only have too much insecurities. I actually grew up being fed up with them. Frustrating. And what’s more to that is the fact that most people expect you to be dating at this age. If not, probably going steady with someone already. Boy, that’s why I couldn’t help but entertain the idea that perhaps, if I’m not meant to live a life of celibacy, I’m probably meant for someone who has the same pair of chromosomes as I am. Sheesh. Just be clear already!
So again, why wouldn’t it work out with anyone?
They say that when we pray, God chooses from YES, NO and WAIT to answer our intention. But why is it that whenever I present someone as a possible significant other, it’s always as if WAIT is the only choice? Or probably He had said NO already and I was just too in-denial to the fact that I’m not meant for anyone in my possible-father-of-my-kids list.
And I might have been too ambitious for expecting a YES when I kind of had Logan Lerman’s and Josh Duhamel’s names written in bold, highlighted letters on my list but I also have legit and allowable names. Some I have actually fallen in love with. So, why can’t I still get a YES?
If this was just a Jim Carey movie, I bet I’m married now. Remember the time when he responded to all petition e-mails with the “Yes to All” button? In the South of France, with my man and our little versions, I’m probably at already.
But unlike Bruce, the real Almighty actually reads (or hears out) our prayers. And I’d like to think that things have already been planned-out for us way before our ancestors cuddled for the first time. It just happened that the road to attaining that YES is always jagged and messy. Re-routing is likely to happen.
Just a little more patience and eventually, you’ll get to that prayer - in this case, the significant other. After all, your destination is to that certain special someone’s sphere; for it has always been.
And with that, finally you could say (Well, I could finally say), “This is why it never worked out with anyone else.”
I woke up feeling crap. But if you suspect a hangover then that’s where you’re wrong. Petty detail: I have sworn to lifetime sobriety after witnessing a dreadful after-party two years ago. And moreover, I’m on a juice fast though it seems not to be working for me. Modern Family just got me wondering about this form of cleansing and I don’t think it would hurt, so…
For over a week now, the clouds have been very generous; it has been pouring non-stop making it really tempting just to snuggle down while Jack Johnson picks up the mood. Though, I eventually gave in and felt the need to function at 12:30.
So, as a grown woman of 20, I’m now proud to share that I have signed up for living healthy and aging gracefully. And it usually starts with a morning routine though technically, I have slept all throughout the morning so it’s basically, as-soon-as-I-roll-out-of-the-bed routine. (Rambling with too much adverbs, ain’t I?)
And even if this is not a post of recommendation, there’s nothing more like a hot cup of green tea to jump start the day. My, I would always be partial to its bitterness. And while I was savoring my heavenly drink and its wonders, I was brought to my daily pouting. (Fine, do the mental picture.)
As a couch potato for 3 months (Yes, condescending Muggle, I’m candy-coating the term unemployed.), I realized that being free to do whatever it is that you want - nothing, for the most time - every freakin’ day isn’t actually as desirable as it sounds. Like I was transported to the Hyperbolic Time Chamber in Dragon Ball Z where time couldn’t seem to know how to run. (Woah, I seriously just made a Dragon Ball Z reference.)
Well what’s more to that is, I never thought I’d call persistently for ideas that clash, for commands, for deadlines and all that cases that make this world complicated. And you might think that this is just a result of a long-standing feeling of unproductivity (though it probably is) but my idea of an effective way of living is where people actually exert effort to achieve that desired convenience and leisure.
I will always believe that there’s a greater satisfaction level from things that were pulled from a tough grind. Earn a living, as they say. Though that Ed Sheeran song begs to differ.
The best things in life come free to us…
Look at that, ideas that clash. So here’s the thing: I want to stand for my statements for as firmly as I could but as much as I want to, my uphill battle, unfortunately, is still out of reach. And in my current case, when I say uphill battle, I mean career.
Post-graduation, most people would suggest a little rest at the outset. And perhaps, a thrill out of that newly-announced freedom from almost 2 decades of schooling which is pretty well just a cue to start YOLO-ing. Though I might have re-defined it for uninterrupted movie and TV series marathons and weekly coffee dates. Warning: It could cause a seriously disruptive f-ed-up sleeping pattern.
But boy, it has been three months! And even my grade 7 cousin knows that I have gone beyond the bracket of the “a little” to my rest. And instead of giving birth to a highbrow woman, matured beyond her years and her future workplace’s asset, I feel like what I’m bringing into being is a bum, intensified by loads of Snorlax-ing.
Now, for the love of all things bright and beautiful, rather that fretting, why don’t I just get my lazy ass moving and find a job, right? Trust me, I’m in the process already. And I have been constantly being reminded by my older friends that at this point, I can’t really be picky and what I should prioritize is gaining experience. Though that doesn’t mean I should set my standards too low; a good stepping stone would still be a plus.
And while I’m in search for that, I think, I’ll be okay at holding back a little to save the best for last. So dream company, please wait up. Okay? Okay.
Notwithstanding the fact that it won’t be easy, a reason why I stay in a positive light is because I am certain that what He’ll give me is a good ground. And actually, I could already sense that it’s on its way, along with my cue to give back.
And though my mother told me that I am not obliged to return any of the favors she gave me, I, at least, feel the need to show her that she raised me well and that I will always be indebted to her. So, if the good ground shall come soon, I vow to be a good sower… Whew. I got you in the seriousness, didn’t I?